Children

My greatest joy and my greatest sorrows come in and through my children and my husband.

This morning I read the Conference Talk given by Elder Neil L. Anderson in October 2011, entitled Children.

What a sweet reminder that “the family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan…”

As I read, I thought back on the birth of each of my children.

We wanted children as soon as we got married. It did take us some time to conceive Kimber, but soon I was experiencing a little morning sickness and the aches and pains that went with this new experience. Eventually, I found myself in a little medical trouble. With 6 1/2 weeks left in the pregnancy, I found myself very sick; terrible headaches, 40 pounds gained in a matter of weeks, blurred vision, the works. We rushed to the hospital one night, hoping for relief and went home 4 days later alone. The doctors had tried to induce labor, but after 18 hours of hard labor, the only thing happening was Kimber’s heart beat dipping dangerously low. They decided on an emergency c-section. I remember the doctor riding on the gurney with me, trying to give me an epidural, as they ran me down the hall. I don’t remember much of those few days, but I do remember feeling the surgery begin. cutting into you hurts. I remember john and the doctor talking about how I could feel the surgery. I remember watching a deep purple baby roll past me and nurses and doctors scrambling to assist her near lifeless body. I remember my rolling back just as I said “hi baby” as the doctor had to give me a general anesthetic. I remember having a hard time waking up and feeling sick for what seemed like forever. I remember the joy and peace and relief I felt when the nurse snuck a tiny little baby with big flipper feet into my room and I got to hold her for the first time 3 days later. I remember how sad I was that she didn’t get to come home with me, but the thrill it was the next day when the doctors changed their minds and called to let us know that she could come home.

McKay was born while John was still in school. I was a little freaked out about the whole baby having process. After all, the last baby was a little traumatic. I got pregnancy induced hypertension again. 6 weeks before the due date I was put on bed rest… not so easy with an outgoing active 2 1/2 year old. 3 weeks before due date the doctors did a painful test to check if McKay was done. They stuck a big needle in my belly to get fluid and pushed around the baby to find a pocket of fluid. This time I got to have the baby naturally with a V-back. I remember holding her for the first time and feeling such great relief. We had both made it. I remember taking her home and seeing the smile on Kimber’s face. She was glad to have mom home and she was glad to be the big sister.

Chad was born during a financially difficult time. We were underemployed and when we discovered that we were expecting, we didn’t have insurance. We only had one car, so the girls and I walked everywhere we went. Good thing we had just moved to a new town that was small. As the summer got hotter, I started to panic. I didn’t have a very good track record for making it to full term. However, After 4 weeks on bed rest, Chad came into the world within the normal parameters. He was a big baby, yet my easiest baby to deliver. He was not happy to be in the world. He loved to snuggle. His big sisters loved to hold him and to kiss his fat checks.

We were ready for Hannah to come to join our family, but we did have to wait a little before we were blessed with the new addition. Once again, I got PIH. I was on bed rest for 6 weeks. Thankfully, I had help of good friends to help with my other young children. I remember the night she was born. I remember that labor wasn’t progressing. They had me laying down for hours to keep my blood pressure down. When they finally sat me up to give me an epidural, I knew it was too late. It was time to meet Hannah. I had trouble communicating the need to push because I had so many drugs. My brain just couldn’t get my mouth to move. She was then born quickly. I remember holding her. She was so beautiful with huge brown eyes. She was such a sweet, easy going baby. Everyone wanted to hold her.

You’d think that after 4 pregnancies with PIH, I’d give up. But I knew that one more baby needed to come to our family. We waited for 5 years for her. I worked hard to loose 90 pounds and to be my healthiest if God would bless me with a new little person. I fasted and prayed every Sunday for two years. I knew I wanted to have one last baby. It was a rough pregnancy. Again, PIH. Again, bed rest. Again, baby in distress when they induced me. Again, a c-section. It was all worth it. I remember holding her for the first time. Finally, we were blessed with the last baby to teach and to love and to challenge me.

Each of my children were miracles.

Each received their name through inspiration: Kimber and Chad I had dreamed when I was a teenager, McKay was named after two of my favorite prophets, Hannah’s name was whispered to me one afternoon before I knew she was a girl, and Lillian was named after John’s great grandma and my great grandma. Her name came while I doing family history.

I love being a mom. I definitely believe that “motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling.” I love to spend time with my kids. I love it so much that I eventually decided to home school them. God has given me the time to be a mom.

Now, my oldest is expecting her first baby. Benjermin is due in early February. His parents are newly married and don’t have much money. They will need to scrimp and to save for the super nice things in life. They will survive on the kindness of family and the goodness of hand-me-down bags. As I watch them go through this experience I see that they are growing closer together and stronger as a family.

At this time of year we celebrate the birth of the Savior. Elder Anderson reminded me that, “there was no decorated nursery or designer crib – only a manger for the Savior of the world.”

Benjermin will be be more than alright. He is coming to good parents, who love the Lord and love him beyond their own comprehension.

Looking back at the miracles of the births of my children has made the heartache of teenage years more bearable. Remembering their sweet little chubby face that say, “I love you mom,” make the sleepless night worth it. Remembering just how much I wanted them in my life makes the frustrating moments seem more like moments and not like an eternity.