My heart is heavy. There has been much distress around me – from the news to people I am acquainted with, that shocks and saddens me. In times of great distress I turn music that uplifts my soul. Today I was searching for that one song that could enlighten my mind and came across…
I sobbed as I listened. It was like I found “my song!” My church culture (mind you, not church doctrine) has been European so long. Church music reflects this solemn, reverent music style of European composers. Don’t get me wrong. I love the church hymns. They do bring the Spirit to my soul and peace to my mind as I reflect on the Savior. However, there are days that I long for the fire-in-your-bones soulful sounds of gospel music in our church worship hymns… music that motivates you to your knees or to your feet… singing from the depths of my soul, from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head… music that fills my whole being. Soulful singing as so much passion and fire and spirit in it. It comes from way deep down inside. When a soulful gospel singer sings, they soar… maybe even with angels. I wish I could sing like that!
Hearing this woman sing one of my favorite songs was a transcending moment for me. She sang this song the way my soul feels this song. Oh, that I could sing so soulfully… oh, that I would be able to sing so soulfully in a church meeting! (F.Y.I. kids… I want this song, sung in this manner at my funeral one day). Oh that I could let the passions, hurt, love, testimony and reverence soar from me like this arrangement. The desperate, passionate cry of this soulful sound is exactly how I feel… how I wish I could let loose and sing.
This is a hymn that I have sung my entire life. This hymn brings Christ’s love and peace into my soul. This beautiful hymn of wonder and glory and reverence has always caused me to deeply reflect on my Savior and has helped me gain a better understanding of Him and His sacrifice for me and for all mankind.
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
I do stand amazed! I am as amazed and as inspired as my beautiful little grand-daughter. (here she is seeing the Christus at the Meridian, ID temple open house).
This hymn healed my heart today. I am grateful. I needed that.
Even when life gets hard, even when people make choices that hurt others, even when it seems like hope is lost, remember, hope is not lost. He is there. He can heal all wounds. Wish His help I can choose to be kind. With His help I can choose to be a good person. Even if my actions go unnoticed, I can make a difference in this world one selfless step at a time.
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