Today I am thankful for Christmas. Christmas is stressful. I always fear disappointing someone because my gifts almost always fall flat. This fear is paralyzing. For the most part I now only gifts that my children and husband put on their Amazon lists because the homemade gifts I want to give often fall flat… and let me tell you. It is crushing to work hard on something – to put a piece of you into something – and to see it end up in the Goodwill pile. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some great Goodwill treasures. However, seeing something you put a piece of yourself into discarded and given away is disheartening. Then, I am also cursed with this need, I was born with, to please people. I want to see them happy. I want to give them every good thing they truly want. The trouble is I have lousy taste in pretty much everything. This year John did great. You should have seen Lilli’s face when he pulled out the drums he bought her. Hannah seemed really pleased with the boots he got her. Over all, the kids seemed pretty happy with what he got them. I was sad that the stuff I mailed McKay’s family didn’t make it to her… well one box did and one box didn’t. sigh… And I got my timing off with Kimber’s arrival and even though I stayed up until 2 in the morning, I wasn’t done making the ballerina doll by the time the came and I never got the books wrapped. sigh again… But when I did give them the bears and doll they seemed to like that. I hope McKay’s kids like their little things.
I almost missed the family Zoom call this morning. Staying up late and not having kids who are excited for Christmas, I was still asleep when my dad called and asked why I wasn’t on the call… Well… because I had no idea it was happening. I was not awake when the invite went out. Then there were complications getting on. But I did hear a couple things in the end. My siblings and parents are good people and they make me laugh. It’s been a rough year for all of us. Still, most everyone seems to be able to find the bright side of most situations.
We tried something new for Christmas dinner this year. It is a struggle to find things that everyone will eat. Hannah has this crazy Christmas music play list and we listened to a Run DMC song that talked about mom making fried chicken, and mac and cheese. Idea. So I looked up a Southern Christmas dinner and made all the fixin’s. It sort of worked. There was something there for everyone. We even had Jacob join us for dinner. It was fun see a meal idea that seemed to work.
Today I am grateful that Hannah was willing to make the fried chicken.
Today I am grateful for the quiet after the storm.
Today I grateful for the crazy drumming going on in the background.
Today I am thankful for 5 teddy bears and 3 ballerinas.
Today I am grateful for books – I started reading an awesome one today.
Today I am grateful for my coat… I’ve been cold all day – even opened the oven and warmed my hands like it was a wood stove.
Today I am grateful for a beautiful picture my Jo sent me. The only present today, besides the book from my mom, to get me in the feels. Not only does it match my decor, it is the perfect reminder of good friend’s love and of God’s love.
Today I am grateful for the Savior, Jesus Christ, for His mercy and kindness and love, for His understanding and patience. What a miracle it is that God, Himself, came to experience this earth life to more fully extend His mercy and justice in my direction. And, how humbling it must have been to be Mary and Joseph assigned to keep the Savior of the world health, safe and progression toward the mission He had been given – a mission they knew all too well because they knew scriptures, prophets and revelations that had been passed on through generations. Beyond imagination… I am still trying to grasp the responsibilities and fears that weigh on my mind and heart as a parent of 5 of God’s choice children. The ways to screw this all up are endless… good thing there is a Savior to pick up the pieces.
Today I am grateful for bed time. I am super tired.
What are you grateful for today?
oh…. and Merry Christmas!!!