Sometimes I wonder if I am allowed to tell God what I am really feeling. Can I tell Him I’m disappointed? Angry? Afraid? Can I admit that I don’t understand what He is doing—or that I have questions I can’t seem to find answers for? Somewhere along the way, I think we can begin to confuse honest prayer with faithless prayer. We think faith means saying, “I trust You,” when what our heart is actually saying is, “I’m hurt, and I don’t understand.”
But God already knows what is in my heart. I’m not protecting Him by pretending everything is okay. The scriptures are filled with people crying out to God in grief, confusion, fear, and even anguish. Christ Himself prayed in Gethsemane, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me.” Honest prayer doesn’t mean I have lost my faith. Sometimes honesty is an expression of faith because I trust God enough to bring Him the parts of myself that are messy, frightened, disappointed, or unsure.
God isn’t asking me to show up to prayer with everything neatly sorted out. He is asking me to show up. Maybe the prayer sounds more like this: “Father, I am disappointed. I am angry. I am afraid, and I don’t understand. Part of me wishes You had answered differently. I have questions, and I don’t know what to do with them. But I am bringing all of it to You because I still want You in the middle of it. Help me see what I cannot see yet. Help me trust You when I don’t understand You. And until the answers come—even if some of them never come in the way I hope—help me stay close to You.” Maybe faith isn’t pretending I have no questions. Maybe faith is trusting God enough to bring Him every one of them.
Resigning as the General Manager of the Universe 